Reports say a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole was used to apprehend a suspect in Luther, accused of stealing Christmas. The suspect is described as being mean, a heel, as cuddly as a cactus, and a bad banana with a greasy black heel. He goes by the name, The Grinch.
The three words that best describe him is Stink, Stank, Stunk!
Yet, the suspect is also described as having spiders for a brain, which might explain why he likely took a wrong turn on the way to Whoville and was nabbed by the Luther Police Department just days before the annual holiday event on Main Street.
Free The Grinch
In an attempt to help the suspect, also described as an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable, mangled up in tangled up knots, some social justice advocates are calling for leniency for The Grinch. Maybe community service to put up the town’s Christmas tree?
Considering his long rap sheet and outstanding warrants on burglary charges in many other communities, the judge will have a tough decision on this case. Extradition is possible.
Still, it’s the season of giving and joy. Maybe The Grinch’s return to Luther is a sign he doesn’t want to be a nauseous super naus anymore. Maybe he’s eaten his last three-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce.
Afterall, we saw him sitting on Santa’s lap during his 2019 appearance in Luther, and he posed with the police department. No one wants to be a nasty-wasty skunk forever, right?
Certainly, an emergency management plan combined with holiday spirit will keep The Grinch in check during Christmas on Main on Friday night.
“Christmas on Main” is scheduled for Friday, Dec. 2, from 5:30 – 8 PM.
There will be horse carriage rides, pony rides, a bounce house, singing, the lighting of the Christmas tree, and an appearance from Santa and Mrs. Claus. Organized by the Luther Parks Commission, proceeds from the event will help fund improvements to Wildhorse Park, and will not be used for The Grinch’s bail.
Thanks for reading and having some fun with us. Yes, this is totally fake news. See you Friday on Main Street!
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